Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
