Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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