Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
