She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
