You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
