you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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