he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
