Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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