My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
