with your own penis?
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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