i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
