where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Randomize
