Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize