im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
