You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
