$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
