I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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