I need to stop coming to work sober
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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