he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
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