I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
