went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I am spending my child support on dildos
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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