we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
