Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
