Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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