i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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