Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
