Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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