Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize