A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
