just tell him i said nine months
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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