Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
