He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
