I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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