did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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