he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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