Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
