I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize