i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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