Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(206): View more from Washington

I thought spray tan was a myth

(1-206): View more from Washington

?

(206): View more from Washington

You know, something that only happens in Jersey

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(906): View more from Michigan

I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.

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(620): View more from Kansas

Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.

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(253): View more from Washington

So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.

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(360): View more from Washington

well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home

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(785): View more from Kansas

I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.

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(801): View more from Utah

He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.

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