I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
