just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
