I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
it glows. i had to have it.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
