Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize