Where is the hickey?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
