she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
