ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
as a side note pls kill me
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
