weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
