Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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