So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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