All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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