i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
