remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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