It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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