Non-Jews are for practice
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
