just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
