there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
