I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
