I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
i black out too much to be "responsible"
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
