Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
