I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
