it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize