Ambien. No doubt about it.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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