My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
