No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
