i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
