In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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