I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
My liver just broke up with me...
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
