Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
