So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
