I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
