so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
