does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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