I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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