so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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