my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
